Thursday, 4 August 2011

Holding One's Breath!

I've been doing this most of the day in more ways than one! For those that have had the experience of an MRI will know what I mean,your shoved in a tunnel,trying to keep your over active mind from freaking out,it doesn't help when the nurse says here is a little buzzer to press if you need to get out in a hurry! All of a sudden you then feel claustrophobic!!The next 30minutes you are holding your breath every few minutes,normally this wouldn't worry me but I am finding it a little difficult to take full deep breaths so it was starting to upset me a bit,next this fluid is pumped into your arm,I'm thinking it's radio active but I could be getting that mixed up with the next scan!Anyway can't really complain.... Next was a bone scan this I also find to be a little confronting, but am ok once the machine gets passed your eyes I feel like I'm in a toasted sandwich maker,it's so close to your nose you go cross eyed if you look up! By this stage the harsh reality of what was happening again hit me and the tears just flowed. I got it together by thinking about what groceries I'd need to pick up in Coles on the way home!
Tomorrow at two I find out the verdict! I know it won't be good news but also feel that with some knowledge that I have gained over the last two years I have choices.Perhaps now is the time I write the book I'd thought of a while back, "How do you talk to a Terminally ill person" I can joke about it now sitting here in my lovely home, fire on and not feeling too bad,however it's tuff,the one thing I do know is I have been asked many times 'how do you come to terms knowing you are going to die' the answer is, you never do! Why would I waste my precious time trying to understand what can only be described as a nightmare. I believe you keep living until the end. Don't get me wrong I have put in place some things I would like to happen if I'm not around ,but I really haven't ever felt why me?? It's happened and all I can do is everything possible to stay here.
Well lovelies pretty tired now talk more thing,the comments I say are my own
opinion so sorry if I offend anyone.

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