21/3/2012
We have just arrived at Auckland airport for a 3hr wait then off to Vancouver! I know you'll be thinking what am I up to now, but like I've said before I seem to have this desire to squeeze in as many experiences as I can before things go 'tit's up'. Poor David who's not one to make a quick decision comes along for the ride,although no complaints when we were upgraded to business class for the first part of the trip!
You see I have been given a month off chemo,my markers are down to 33,and was advised that if I am lucky enough to get another break I would be too weak to travel a long distance ,so hence the urgency. Jack turns 18 two days after we get home so the window of opportunity was slim.
I have to admit that 3hr flight was just great,not sure about the next 14hrs.
We have 3 nights booked in Vancouver then 7 nights at Whistler. I won't be giving skiing ago but they do have those big rubber rings that go down the mountain. I am still pretty weak and some days feel like crap, however I will just do what I can. I am just as happy watching David come down the slopes as long as he's in one piece. Last time I did this he came down with a popped shoulder and hurt pride!
So life again is on the up. I'm scared of going back on chemo ,and I'm trying so hard to just live each day and not what's ahead,as really none of us know what tomorrow will bring. I am so very lucky to have all I do.
Thank you to all of you that inspire me to get up each day and live the best life I can.
Lots of snowy pics to follow........
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Another Phase
11/3/2012
Hello.....Well Sydney was fantastic, we didn't have the best weather but still mangaged to have a great time. The 'Mardi Gras' was on and although we didn't stay for the whole procession we saw some interesting sights! I missed a night out with the girls as I just know I'm not up to standing in a bar for a few hours,however I was awake when they all arrived home, and it was very interesting listening to how their evening went! I'm yet to see Joh's umbrella dance , but heard most of the bar enjoyed it!
I believe the chemo has finally caught up with me, as the last few weeks have been pretty awful.I spoke to the oncologist last week about taking a break, and it seems the decision is up to me. On paper he said I look not to bad at all and everything has dropped,however a part of him thinks let's keep going as it's working,but like he said he can often forget what the patient is going through. I know once I stop it will hopefully pick up my good cells ,but of course so will the others pick up.
Anyway I have decided that with weekly blood tests I'm going to stop the chemo.No one is sure of how long I'll get, but I really feel I could be enjoying life alot more if only for a short while. So it's chemo day tomorrow and I will still go in for my bloods to be done and I also have a bone strengthening drug each month but am hoping he's ok for me to stop.
I'm sure just knowing that the chemo has stopped I will pick up ,I'll forget the anti depressants until next round I feel. I had hoped to get to the UK again but realise now that it's just too far for me to travel and too expensive . Plus I really don't want to spend along time away from the boys. What I'm hoping to do is go back to NZ not in holiday time and just find somewhere with a good view ,have a good book or my knitting and slowly recover from all that horrible stuff pumped in me! So I'm not looking for much but if anyone knows of anyone that has a house to rent with a view I'm interested! Visitors welcome.
The boys are at Uni now and it seems full on already for them. Jack turns 18 on the 5th April and there was a time that I was just hoping to hang out till then, so I'm grateful in some ways for the treatment ive had as its definately enabled me to be around for that special day,plus a few more I hope. I joke and say its never going to be the right time to leave this lovely life as it doesn't fit in with events I need to be at throughout the year, but the truth is that each one I'm still here for I'm aware of how much luck I'm still getting!
I'm hoping life is going good for you all, and that with summer on its way out slowly! We can enjoy some lovely cool but sunny days. Keep happy .........
Hello.....Well Sydney was fantastic, we didn't have the best weather but still mangaged to have a great time. The 'Mardi Gras' was on and although we didn't stay for the whole procession we saw some interesting sights! I missed a night out with the girls as I just know I'm not up to standing in a bar for a few hours,however I was awake when they all arrived home, and it was very interesting listening to how their evening went! I'm yet to see Joh's umbrella dance , but heard most of the bar enjoyed it!
I believe the chemo has finally caught up with me, as the last few weeks have been pretty awful.I spoke to the oncologist last week about taking a break, and it seems the decision is up to me. On paper he said I look not to bad at all and everything has dropped,however a part of him thinks let's keep going as it's working,but like he said he can often forget what the patient is going through. I know once I stop it will hopefully pick up my good cells ,but of course so will the others pick up.
Anyway I have decided that with weekly blood tests I'm going to stop the chemo.No one is sure of how long I'll get, but I really feel I could be enjoying life alot more if only for a short while. So it's chemo day tomorrow and I will still go in for my bloods to be done and I also have a bone strengthening drug each month but am hoping he's ok for me to stop.
I'm sure just knowing that the chemo has stopped I will pick up ,I'll forget the anti depressants until next round I feel. I had hoped to get to the UK again but realise now that it's just too far for me to travel and too expensive . Plus I really don't want to spend along time away from the boys. What I'm hoping to do is go back to NZ not in holiday time and just find somewhere with a good view ,have a good book or my knitting and slowly recover from all that horrible stuff pumped in me! So I'm not looking for much but if anyone knows of anyone that has a house to rent with a view I'm interested! Visitors welcome.
The boys are at Uni now and it seems full on already for them. Jack turns 18 on the 5th April and there was a time that I was just hoping to hang out till then, so I'm grateful in some ways for the treatment ive had as its definately enabled me to be around for that special day,plus a few more I hope. I joke and say its never going to be the right time to leave this lovely life as it doesn't fit in with events I need to be at throughout the year, but the truth is that each one I'm still here for I'm aware of how much luck I'm still getting!
I'm hoping life is going good for you all, and that with summer on its way out slowly! We can enjoy some lovely cool but sunny days. Keep happy .........
Sunday, 26 February 2012
I'm back!
26/2/12
Hello I've been thinking that although I don't know all of you that reads this, I miss being in touch! I really don't seem to have had anytime on my own at home for ages ,but this afternoon I have scored 2 hrs. I've just had a facial that was a gift for my birthday back in December. It was so lovely and I managed to have a little nap part of the way through it. Thank you Denise your hands are truely magical.
As usual I can't remember what I've been up to in the last two months. My Mum came over for 2 weeks, we really didn't do very much as I can't drive and I have been so tired. I have been aware that the symptoms of the chemo would accumulate, and my biggest dread was nausea,but yes unfortunately every day it's there. If only I could just vomit and feel better but it's not like that, it's just a constant feeling of wanting to.
I had a three week break off the chemo a few weeks ago as my white blood cells are so screwed my body just wasn't making new ones quick enough, the chemo effects the bone marrow. I was hoping that I would feel better with the little break, but no luck I still felt the same. My tumor markers are sitting on 50 which is great ,and means that it is working at killing the cancer cells, if only they could just target those and leave the rest if me alone.
I asked my oncologist if I will ever have a break from treatment , as I was of the understanding it was this until I die, but no, I will be allowed a break at some stage. Silly thing is you want that to happen so badly but knowing that the beast inside just reloads ,makes you fearfull at the same time. It really is a juggle as to having quality of life but trying to keep it under control too.
My mental state has been interesting and slightly dissapointing! The voice that used to say 'hey your alive just enjoy each day' has gone very quiet, and I have to remind myself that this is still the case. But I'm fearful and so very sad sometimes it's just overwhelming. I've had a script for anti depressents for a while , but something is stopping me from wanting to take them. I was told by someone that it would help David and the boys if I used them, now I'm all for doing what I can to help them through this process,but unless I was a weeping mess everyday ,I don't think it hurts them to see me sad sometimes infact it's often an opportunity for them to speak about their own concerns. I would not want David to take a drug ontop of all the other stuff just to make my life a little easier! Anyway I'm sure when the time is right I'll give them a go.
The exciting news is I'm off to Sydney on Thursday this week for three nights with 7 of the most amazing beautiful women I know. 'The Lovelies' my sister included. We have been lent a beautiful apartment owned by a friend of some of the lovelies,right in Circular Quay infront of the Opera house. It's perfect being so central, and although I'm a little sad I have to do it,I'm bringing my wheel chair,as I am quite weak and can't walk very far at all,and of course I can't miss out! I'm sure it will come in handy with all the shopping bags!
I'll put some photo's up next week of the trip. The only pic I have for you today is my new car sticker who'd of thought eh?! Talk soon take care,and unlike me sometimes ,really stop and think of what you have and how good it is.........
Hello I've been thinking that although I don't know all of you that reads this, I miss being in touch! I really don't seem to have had anytime on my own at home for ages ,but this afternoon I have scored 2 hrs. I've just had a facial that was a gift for my birthday back in December. It was so lovely and I managed to have a little nap part of the way through it. Thank you Denise your hands are truely magical.
As usual I can't remember what I've been up to in the last two months. My Mum came over for 2 weeks, we really didn't do very much as I can't drive and I have been so tired. I have been aware that the symptoms of the chemo would accumulate, and my biggest dread was nausea,but yes unfortunately every day it's there. If only I could just vomit and feel better but it's not like that, it's just a constant feeling of wanting to.
I had a three week break off the chemo a few weeks ago as my white blood cells are so screwed my body just wasn't making new ones quick enough, the chemo effects the bone marrow. I was hoping that I would feel better with the little break, but no luck I still felt the same. My tumor markers are sitting on 50 which is great ,and means that it is working at killing the cancer cells, if only they could just target those and leave the rest if me alone.
I asked my oncologist if I will ever have a break from treatment , as I was of the understanding it was this until I die, but no, I will be allowed a break at some stage. Silly thing is you want that to happen so badly but knowing that the beast inside just reloads ,makes you fearfull at the same time. It really is a juggle as to having quality of life but trying to keep it under control too.
My mental state has been interesting and slightly dissapointing! The voice that used to say 'hey your alive just enjoy each day' has gone very quiet, and I have to remind myself that this is still the case. But I'm fearful and so very sad sometimes it's just overwhelming. I've had a script for anti depressents for a while , but something is stopping me from wanting to take them. I was told by someone that it would help David and the boys if I used them, now I'm all for doing what I can to help them through this process,but unless I was a weeping mess everyday ,I don't think it hurts them to see me sad sometimes infact it's often an opportunity for them to speak about their own concerns. I would not want David to take a drug ontop of all the other stuff just to make my life a little easier! Anyway I'm sure when the time is right I'll give them a go.
The exciting news is I'm off to Sydney on Thursday this week for three nights with 7 of the most amazing beautiful women I know. 'The Lovelies' my sister included. We have been lent a beautiful apartment owned by a friend of some of the lovelies,right in Circular Quay infront of the Opera house. It's perfect being so central, and although I'm a little sad I have to do it,I'm bringing my wheel chair,as I am quite weak and can't walk very far at all,and of course I can't miss out! I'm sure it will come in handy with all the shopping bags!
I'll put some photo's up next week of the trip. The only pic I have for you today is my new car sticker who'd of thought eh?! Talk soon take care,and unlike me sometimes ,really stop and think of what you have and how good it is.........
Sunday, 5 February 2012
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