Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Our lovelies lunch, the red glass and Christmas name place a keep sake to such beautiful friends x

Dr Cavanoughs ( flowers were ordered out of the room!!)

Unexpected Visit!

Arrived Monday for my 3 round of chemo admittedly not feeling the best and a bit feverish. The poor nurse got a fright as my temp was 38.9 far to high, next minute I'm booked in for the next three days,an antibiotic drip attached and alls good! My white blood count was so low I have nothing to fight any infections off. I wasn't happy to be here this long as I don't feel that unwell and I miss being around the family,sitting looking at my candles and Christmas tree lights in the evening. Plus with so many little and big things I suppose being taken away from me ( driving being one I'm sad about,love my mini!) I really enjoy small amounts of good food, especially David's evening meals, now I'm back at school having luke warm average food.
Anyway I'm in the best place to get better,and after a chat to the oncologist I should be home tomorrow night,then on my birthday morning the family can go for breakfast.
Emotionally it's been a difficult time especially being confronted with the Palliative care room and meeting the team! However the advantages of having a large room, sofa bed, and fridge are swaying me! Counsellors have popped in today and the Chaplain, but it appears my head is on the right way, and I'm fully aware if I felt the need I wouldn't have a problem asking for help,for me or the family.
Thank you to everyone for their support, I was asked today what is giving me the strength and courage and for me it's all of you out there! So my thoughts especially this time are year are with you,enjoy Christams your families and New Year,and I look forward to catching up in 2012 ......

Sunday, 11 December 2011

Peace at Christmas time


Second round of chemo today,then managed another 3hr Christmas shopping trip, today was hard in the chemo ward for Karyn and I, the whole reality of me just not being here this time next year is hitting us all at times more now than before. I suppose its about what this time of year represents. I'm aware that this chemo and I are in our own little battle at the moment as it will take a few more weeks to see if it's doing anything,but in the process I will be going a little more down hill,before what we hope is a small pick up point. I think that's why I'm aware of doing the 'normal' things I still want to do,and not let this consume my everyday.
The double vision has got worse which no one can explain,this is such a shame as now the eye patch just has to stay on all the time.
I am so grateful and at peace however,as I haven't had my head down the toilet and apart from the pain in my very swollen stomach I'm ok. I've been able to have two beautiful get togethers,yesterday the lovelies went to Karyns house where we had a lunch,laughed and cried,and I gave them all a very stunning red crystal glass to keep.
So you see I'm so happy to have got myself to this point and time in my life that I am surrounded by the most wonderful family and friends,i can relax and enjoy being
with,I'm almost feeling guilty of having it all! Ok so the health thing will be the undoing of me,but why think and live in the bad when right now it's looking pretty good,I do believe the planner in me has left the building and I'm left with the one day at a time theory,and you know what im liking it!
Enjoy the build up,talk soon .........

Tuesday, 6 December 2011


It's all a bit hard to take in that I'm back on that chemo ward every Monday. I am pleased to say that I'm on day 3 and I'm not too bad at all, I have a lot of swelling in my stomach that is very painful,but they have me on new pain killers that seem to help. The nausea is hardly there which makes such a difference to my mood,I'm just a bit spaced out with all the drugs,which although I don't like the feeling of floating it's far better than the other options. If I don't make sense in these blogs you know why!
Yesterday David put up the tree,and I just sat and watched,it should be a happy time and it was although I can't help but think is this my last one. I believe emotions run high for many of us this time of year,so I'm not alone,it's just all so sad sometimes.Last weekend I felt well enough to go shopping to pick up some things for the boys I have been collecting over the past 3 years,yet again this is so hard to do but I'm so glad I started when I did,as it's all too much when you are feeling terrible.
I haven't much to say really,other than enjoy the build up to Christmas,due to my double vision I find the shopping centers all too much,and that in itself is so not me! It's so lovely to have great family and friends around who needs presents too!
Chat soon........

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Quick Update


Wow it's December, it's a little difficult to get me in the Christmas spirit at the moment,however the good news is I may have found an anti nausea drug that actually works,early days but the nausea yesterday was halved,so here's hoping it lasts.
I am starting chemo on Monday, weekly for not sure how long!I didn't ask! My markers have shit up to 790 that is the highest they have ever been,so it's time to just get on with it, I'm trying to think if I come out the other side if the treatment I may feel a little better and get a ok maybe short but my good bit I am so desperate to have.
So feelings about this one now are let's just get the shitty stuff pumped in and be done with it! I have jumped another few stepping stones in the pond but still can't see where they stop yet! Thank you always for the love and support I have around me,it would be a lonely journey without it.
Fingers cross the nausea dies away a little as I just hate it!

Enjoy the lovely days talk from the chemo ward...........