2.30am!

Why is it that all of a sudden your body clock decides to set a new time when it feels it should wake you up so much that your day really believes it has begun? You guessed it mine is 2.30am I'm on the couch where after sleeping here last night and coming back here now it is so much better on my back and other organs that I can get almost comfy!!
The lounge has just been cleaned so it's even more appealing!Trouble with my brain now is it wants to go off on all these little journeys,now would be a great time to get all the tears out I often feel are lying just under the service,however the weird thing is,I haven't cried all week,now I'm thinking I'm either in too much pain or I'm becoming this very hard cow void of emotion!!!I've gone for the thought that I'm more pi.....d off than sad,this just stopping me in my tracks annoys me more than anything as I get frustrated laying around looking at the things that need doing and hoping that someone else will eventually see them too and bother them enough for them to clean/ tidy up.The thing is where your just sat there all day what else does ones brain see other than mess!!. I'm hoping a book will appeal soon but as I have really been in too much pain to focus, im a few days away from that.
Thursday I will go down to Robina to get my high dose Vit c this I believe is working on boosting my immune system , it's expensive and there is talk of me doing it twice a week but it's $160-220 a go with no rebate, that's another question you ask yourself everyday, how much do I keep spending on my health,and why does a certain amount of guilt come into those thoughts. I think it's like if you add it all up the supplements,diet,doctors,alternative doctors,lifestyle,travel expenses,etc there is a s...t load going out a week and when you have worked all your life what's coming in just doesn't balance.Of course that's what insurance is for,but it's just a question for those of you out there,when is enough enough to spend on health.I try to look at it this way if I believe it is helping with my physical and mental body then stick with it,but why did life have to get so complicated,all I ever used to stress about was whether I really should go and buy those new black shoes I was in love with,not are two types of minerals being a bit extreme!
It's a week today of the procedure so considering I haven't had the thoughts of wanting to die since last Wednesday I am improving,the biggest step will be perhaps when I can sleep in my bed or do a food shop,the food shop can defiantly wait,even the thought of Indro right now scares me,taking in the towels before the storm yesterday had me collapsed back on the lounge for a while!
Well it's 3.08am and unless I could write a classic song it's probably worth me trying to go back to sleep for a bit, talk soon.......

Bali @ 25 Melinda st

Down hill turn!

28/8/11
Well here we are day 4 post TACE therapy and feeling terrible,I feel a bit like one minute I'm bumbling along quite happy in say a tea cup at the amusement park only to be whipped up and placed on the fastest roller coaster,not giving my mind or body time to catch up.The nausea is dreadful and so is not being able to keep a lot down!My liver is clearly not happy having been blasted with chemo,now I know that's what we want but I feel there isn't anything left inside that isn't swollen.
There are some positives as there usually are in bad situations..... David and I,well ok I just laid there,started to put the day bed together with all my little treasures I bought back from Bali,Nick and Sara turned up and it was one of those times when hey I'm just happy to be here with my family.
Nick has gone back to Singapore today but plans on coming back in a week,hopefully I will have picked up a bit by then.
Better go as my head is a little fuzzy and can't think of anything to say,I must be sick!!!!

5.30am now which one shall I use!

47km pit stop