Monday, 28 November 2011


Special Day

I had a great day on Sunday for my birthday gathering, the morning started off not too good with the usual high level of nausea but a few drugs later all came good and I was able to enjoy it all. I hope I didn't seem too dopey or no more than usual!!! The heat was a bit of a shame but as the breeze started to come late afternoon it was perfect. Although I think there were about 80+ there, for me it still seemed very intimate and everyone mixed together. Thats because everyone that came are all special lovely people!
I was very tired that night and the next day,but hey I always seem to be tired at the moment. The news on the medical front isn't too good and I will find out tomorrow what my tumor markers are up to. I just had an appointment with my GP who is lovely,but when I asked why I was so tired and feel so weak the answer is the cancer, why does it still shock me to hear that my body is getting weaker? I still believe there are times and days when I think I will beat it,but the doctors/oncologist however kind they are remind you of the reality of your situation.
My double vision in one eye is just another side effect of this disease or from the treatment I have had for it. This has been pretty hard to take as I now cannot drive myself anywhere and just looking around a room it's all over the place,eyes of course areso important and I hope I don't get to the stage where I cannot read or write, now I do that with one eye closed!
Thursday I go to the Wesley to start a drug that is going to help strengthen my bones,and will be discussing more chemo,although I have tried to do anything to avoid more of this it seems now that it is inevitable, I really need a good bit to come again,so maybe after the chemo this time I get some time where I don't feel like vomiting everyday,and too tired to do very much.
I will let you know how the conversation goes, thank you for all you contributions and lovely cards I will be taking the boys and David away somewhere lovely,when the good bit comes!!
Thank you also for sharing such a great day with me..........

Friday, 18 November 2011

Another Rollercoaster Week


This last week or so seems to have been particulary difficult, my emotions have been all over the place,what with Jack finishing school,of course I was so happy to be there at his pre formal and his school leaving ceremony,but I'm so sad to think ok how long have I got to watch him go through the next stage of his life. Next I have been seeing double vision out of my left eye and although the CT was clear I decided to have a brain MRI to really make sure the cancer was not in the brain. It was all good, so yesterday I had an eye test and they couldn't see why the muscle wasn't working, I could take it futhur,but do I bother? They confirmed the cancer was not in my eyeball so it seems like it's just something else that I just have to live with.I'm worried about driving I suppose I could do what the optometrist suggested and wear a patch! Great roof down in my mini looking like a bloody pirate!! last night I started some tablets to take with the ones from the States that are making me feel so sick all day,they may help get the balance right in my stomach and help with the nausea,I'm so hopeful, it's been 3 months now of continuously feeling crap!
I will have everything crossed that the day of my gathering of lovely friends next Sunday all will be good!
Sorry it's not a very cheerful blog,the thing with all of this is you just have to go with the flow of how your feeling, really this week I had two lots of good news, as in it's not in brain or eyes, yet I felt no relief from knowing that,or very little. I still have a terminal illness that is bringing me down each day,so I suppose it's ok to sometimes just be a little p....ed off with it all!!
However the mind is very powerful and I know I still have the old me in there and it will surface again!!!

Thursday, 10 November 2011

cotton tree

Difficult Times


It seems a while since I wrote on my blog,I really have been feeling so sick on these tablets and vomiting most days that I've had nothing to say! The other problem I have had is Tuesday I found out that my tumor markers have gone crazy in the last month,due to cancer now being in my bones,however my doctor after speaking to my oncologist is advising I go back on chemo and soon. I had planned that these tablets would work or at least start to get the markers under control, so I have been in a mild panic as of what to do?? I think that I will wait two more weeks which I'm really not sure is long enough to find out if they are working, then go for another blood test and see where I am at. The thing with chemo is it's all a guessing game as it may work and then again it may not! In the mean time I feel like s..t! I know if the chemo shrinks the cancer then it may bide me some time but at what cost. So you see it's so hard to make a decision when your so unsure of the result. I know that chemo is still living, so if these tablets are not working for me then I have no other options really. Germany is still there as they administer the chemo at lower doses with hyperthermia so you are not as ill,however that means I am away from the boys and there is a cost involved especially as I would need to go back more than once.
I'm up at Cotton Tree at the moment, lovely Lynn has given the family her unit for a break. The boys and David came up for two nights and I had last night on my own,and now David is on his way back up for the weekend. It's a lovely place and looks out over the river,it's just turned 11am on the 11/11/2011 and I said a little prayer!
Keep your fingers crossed that chemo doesn't have to happen for sometime,I would love to not have to do it before Christmas. Anyway I'm still able to make some choices,so I'm going to sign off now and enjoy the day..........

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

So proud my first lemon!

The beauties with the beast!!!


Couple of goldfish!

Jen before ride

This and that

I should have read the last blog as not sure where I was up too! Anyway after the bad news while I was waiting to see what my Oncologist came up with(still not heard from him,over a week now!) I decided to get onto these tablets from the States I have read about. They arrived within a few days and I started them yesterday. Apart from having a big weep in the morning, I think it's more the fear of the unknown plus it just gets me down I have to do all this s...t!
all went ok,I took 72 tablets all up which I might add is very difficult when struggling with nausea. Today however no tears but felt pretty rough, I managed to get some of the tablets down for an hour then everything came back up! Bugger. It's now the afternoon and I have kept the lunch ones down, it's almost a full time job this as some have to be taken an hour before eating and then an hour after,all washed down with a mushroom tea,which is ghastly!
The tablets increase so Sunday I take 135! I've never been keen on pill popping so I'm finding this a challenge,I just remind myself that if it works then my tumors should shrink!!
It seems like I have a good day then can fall in a heap the next. I went up to the Noosa Tri to watch some friends take part and was worried it would be one of my bad days but I was lucky,I felt great and so happy to be there with everyone, I stayed out till 8.30pm even,we did go out at 4. Before Sara and I went up I went to a friends Halloween party, it was a pretty amazing set up but just wish I could of seen it at night as it would have looked very creepy!
Until I know how life will be on these tablets I will hang around home a bit more,would like to walk up Cootha but it's closed at the moment. ok keep you posted on the progress enjoy the beautiful weather ......