Thursday, 13 October 2011

Hello well you'd think i'd be getting used to the change that seems to happen quickly but since my return(wednesday this week)I have seen my oncologist about my last blood tests and they have risen again already so he has advised that I do another round of the treatment I have just had using the SIRT method this time round.(radiotherapy one I had the first time around) I do remember them saying before I had this latest treatment that they could do it again after 6 weeks but I think my mind just shut that bit out.

Although they say the last hit on the liver did a good job obviously there are still tumours in there that are active causing my markers to rise again. I'm sitting in bed right now and can't help but think this is the master plan of cancer........I so don't want to die and yet it has come into my life stopped me from riding my bike ,I can't walk up Cootha, I can't enjoy a drink with my friends,and is slowly taking away my normally happy spirit, so I think its plan is to take away all that you love so in the end you
end up saying  'Fuck it I may as well be dead'!

Well somehow I have to change that thought pattern as I will go mad.I need to look at what I CAN DO and not what I can't. And of course there are many things im still able to do.
The options I have with treatment is to go ahead with this and that will happen fairly soon. I'm worried as I'm not over the last
lot though, do another 6 months of chemo, or go overseas and try some of there options. Any thoughts????? It's funny as I used
to say to myself I'm not going down that path of chemo after chemo then I die anyway,and yet here I am!! How the f...k do I
know what is the correct decision to make!! I mean some days I can't decide what to wear and here I am having to decide what
treatment to have that may or may not allow me to live a little longer!

Right this minute I don't want to go away again, I just want to be around my family and friends ,plus I know it shouldn't matter but I worry about the money side of things going overseas,or  6 months of chemo which is a big NO from me,so it's looking like
I may have to go with the SIRTS and say to myself ok well you 'should' be feeling ok by Christmas.
I will keep you posted.........
ps sorry for the bad language!!

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