What to do?

Sorry it's been a few days since I wrote on this...... I've not been feeling the best due to the fact that I think my organs are being all squished up,it's a bit like when your pregnant but I suppose without the joy at the end! I have decided that on Wednesday this week I will go in for the TACE therapy this is chemo through my groin up the artery directly into the liver,similar to the SIRT treatment I had last October but not radiotherapy this time. I am hoping that the recovery will be better than last time and have been told this should be the case. My only other option is chemotherapy but for a longer period of time and I'm just not open to this. I have been talking to people and looking at different treatment options for me and Germany and perhaps the States are worth looking into some more. To be honest it's all so mind boggling as of course no one is offering a cure,but I firmly believe these countries are pushing the boundaries and looking at treating the whole thing. It's expensive of course but what choice do I have? I can't just sit back and give in now,I have so much to live for,and I think all I can do now is listen to people gather information and make the choices that feel right for me.Where's that bloody crystal ball when you need it!
I just hope that if this treatment works then the tumor that is causing me the grief will shrink and just bide me some time to explore the options.As you can imagine the waiting is horrible but I'm one of those people that feel,ok made the choice let's just get on with it,I clearly can't carry on like I am.
You remember how excited I was when I had set up the two Raw food chefs to train me starting the end of this month,well I had to email them today to pull out,I'm not an angry person but today I have to say the words f......g cancer,it robs you of your dreams sometimes!in just a few weeks food is now the last thing on my mind,I eat because I have too but the excitement has gone! Ok had my whinge, better go as I'm in the bath and im worried I may drop the iPad any minute!
Will write after Wednesday all being well...... Thank you for everyone's support x