Difficult Times

11/11/11

It seems a while since I wrote on my blog,I really have been feeling so sick on these tablets and vomiting most days that I've had nothing to say! The other problem I have had is Tuesday I found out that my tumor markers have gone crazy in the last month,due to cancer now being in my bones,however my doctor after speaking to my oncologist is advising I go back on chemo and soon. I had planned that these tablets would work or at least start to get the markers under control, so I have been in a mild panic as of what to do?? I think that I will wait two more weeks which I'm really not sure is long enough to find out if they are working, then go for another blood test and see where I am at. The thing with chemo is it's all a guessing game as it may work and then again it may not! In the mean time I feel like s..t! I know if the chemo shrinks the cancer then it may bide me some time but at what cost. So you see it's so hard to make a decision when your so unsure of the result. I know that chemo is still living, so if these tablets are not working for me then I have no other options really. Germany is still there as they administer the chemo at lower doses with hyperthermia so you are not as ill,however that means I am away from the boys and there is a cost involved especially as I would need to go back more than once.
I'm up at Cotton Tree at the moment, lovely Lynn has given the family her unit for a break. The boys and David came up for two nights and I had last night on my own,and now David is on his way back up for the weekend. It's a lovely place and looks out over the river,it's just turned 11am on the 11/11/2011 and I said a little prayer!
Keep your fingers crossed that chemo doesn't have to happen for sometime,I would love to not have to do it before Christmas. Anyway I'm still able to make some choices,so I'm going to sign off now and enjoy the day..........