The Nature of the beast

There was a positive to yesterday so I'll start with that! The cancer is not in my brain.
However I shouldn't have been surprised when he said there are a few spots in the spine,but I was! I know this is what secondary breast cancer does,but I still feel like it's all not real.
The doctor is unsure what to do next ill he will need to talk to my oncologist, I'm assuming they will want to do normal chemo this time round. I have a back up plan as I'm really not sure physically I can do another 6 months of chemo and mentally. Perhaps now is the time to look at the alternative side of treatment, it's such a difficult decision,chemo of course makes you very sick,ok it can poison the cancer but the havoc it leaves in your body destroys the good parts too.And of course is no cure,or try something that may not have the support of the pharmaceutical companies but is worth a go? I'll ponder this for a few days I think. The thing that makes me angry and sad is having to tell my beautiful boys news like this,being a mum the last thing you like to see is your children in pain let alone being the one that delivers it to them. They handle all this so well and like me we all think this won't happen to us and I will beat it, but I just wish they didnt have this sort of thing to worry about.
I may have jumped another two stepping stones in my pond, but I'm here still able to do an awful lot compared to some so I'll just get on with it,for me it's like making a conscious effort to remind yourself everyday all the good you have around you, it really does help me as I am surrounded by a loving family and just amazing friends. Chat soon ........